Sex Archives - Colin Dye

Is Masturbation a Sin?

Colin Dye — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 13:16:01 +0000

One subject on which many people have questions is masturbation. It is a difficult area and I don?t want to bring anybody reading this post under condemnation, but there are some principles to consider which should guide us as to whether masturbation is permissible or not.

Compared to the damage that such sins as adultery can cause, masturbation is, by all accounts, not the worst sin in the world. But the worst aspect of it is the guilt, condemnation and self-destruction that it produces.

A question that crops up time and again is, ?Surely it is OK to give yourself some sexual relief occasionally?? I believe there is need for a lot of compassion and understanding here, especially for single people who have not emulated their peers, but have sought to keep themselves exclusively for their future partner in marriage. But there are three things that must be considered:

i. The context of sex is not self-enjoyment, but to bring pleasure to and bless your husband or wife. When you have sex with yourself (if you can describe it as such) it is so inwardly-focused that it becomes the very opposite of the purpose of sex.

ii. The Bible speaks about self-control and not being mastered by anything. The difficulty with masturbation is that it often can end in habitual masturbation and bring a person into bondage. As a Christian pastor and counsellor I?ve seen down through the years what a terrible bondage this can be.

iii. Finally, masturbation inevitably involves lust. I remember one pastor preaching and trying so hard to help people in this area. He was trying to be loving, but he said something so ridiculous: ?Masturbation is OK as long as you don?t think lustful thoughts and it doesn?t become a habit.? But lust and habitual bondage are the very things that masturbation tends to lead to!

Compared to the damage that such sins as adultery can cause, masturbation is, by all accounts, not the worst sin in the world. But the worst aspect of it is the guilt, condemnation and self-destruction that it produces. Guilt just complicates and worsens the problem of bondage, but thank God with the Holy Spirit?s help it is possible to break out of this.

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Virgins Wanted: Brazilian Woman's Virginity Sold for $780K for Controversial Documentary

Colin Dye — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 10:35:23 +0000

A controversial auction to sell off a Brazilian woman’s virginity has come to an end Wednesday with six bidders confirmed as competing. The auction ended with a Japanese man winning with a final bid of $780,000.

Brazilian student Catarina Migliorini participant of Virgin Wanted movie has auctioned her virginity for USD$ 780000

This is tragic. Many young people these days? fail to recognise the damage that they inflict on themselves and others as they plunder God?s gift. God is a Restorer and a Healer, but we must realise that all sin has consequences.
Suppose you had committed murder before you became a Christian and you repented. Do you believe that God would forgive you and cleanse you with the blood of Jesus? Of course He would. But does it bring that dead man back to life? No. Similarly, there is a physical price to pay for sexual sin ? a price that society has scorned and lied about for years, and still does when it mocks young people who choose to remain virgins until marriage.
The whole of society, those trendy, sophisticated, artistic elitists, pour condemnation and ridicule upon any young person wanting to live a pure life. But I want to tell you, there?s time to draw a line in the sand and say: ?Let?s help our young people understand and preserve the precious gift of virginity.?

Read the full news article here.

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'Virgins Wanted': Brazilian Puts Her Virginity Up for Auction in New Documentary, Sparking Outrage

Colin Dye — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 11:03:12 +0000

A 20-year-old woman from Southern Brazil has sparked a wave of criticism by auctioning off her “first sexual experience” to the highest bidder as part of a documentary. The stunt has generated outrage in Brazil, however, bids have already reached $1 million.

‘Virgins Wanted’-Brazilian Puts Her Virginity Up for Auction in New Documentary, Sparking Outrage

The young woman, Catarina, stopped her Physical Education studies to participate in a documentary project called “Virgins Wanted” by an Australian director, Justin Sisely, who has also selected a male participant called Alex, who is 21-years-old.
“I saw this as a business. I have the opportunity to travel, to be part of a movie and get a bonus with it,” said Catarina, who will receive $ 20,000, along with 90 percent of the final auction sale price.
Director Sisely first revealed plans for the controversial documentary in 2009, however, he later planned to take the auction overseas to avoid potential prostitution charges in Australia.
Currently, he is not only facing legal problems related to prostitution laws, but also being widely condemned and has received death threats in Australia.
“There’s been a lot of negativity, a lot of different sorts of opinions – Is this prostitution? Am I exploiting people?” he said, according to Adelaide. “In the film, I’m trying to show a different side of what normally constitutes prostitution; (these people) are not constantly making money from selling their body.”
source

It is precisely because of the potency of sexuality in the context of marriage that the devil works so hard to get people to ?give away? their sexuality outside of that covenant relationship. The hedonistic culture of modern society makes it ever more difficult for people, especially young people, to save themselves for their future marriage partner.

To young people today I always say, ?draw a line?. It is important to recognise your limits and not go beyond them. Don?t play near the edge of the precipice in your relationships with others. Safeguard God?s very precious gift to you of your sexuality for the one person you will be committed to in marriage. Your virginity will be your ultimate wedding gift to your husband or wife. If it?s already too late for that, don?t despair. God can bless you, forgive you and restore you. All of that and more is not beyond Him and the cleansing power of the blood of Christ. But remember that intimacy is fragile and it needs security. The security needed to protect it is the marriage relationship. You should never give yourself to a person who has no intention of ultimately being in a covenant relationship with you.
This is primarily what the world does not understand and what leads people to become trapped in sexual sin. If it was just about what you did with your body, that would be one issue. But the fact is, what you do with your body involves the whole of your being, and that leads to parts being ripped out of your soul as you fall in and out of illicit sexual relationships. If that is the case for you, then you need to be rescued from that and receive healing.
No wonder there are so many damaged people in our society. People fail to recognise the damage that they inflict on themselves and others as they plunder God?s gift. Perhaps some reading this are feeling condemned because they have slept around in the past, or maybe you lost your virginity to someone other than your marriage partner? Thank God, there is good news. God can restore to you a purity of spirit and heart before Him, and He can wash all those sins away by the blood of another covenant: the blood of Jesus Christ, God?s Son, that washes and cleanses every sin. You can be, in the eyes of God and in the eyes of your husband or wife, a ?virgin?, if you will allow God to bring that healing into your life. But God does not usually act to restore the physical effects of previous sexual sin ? such as the rupture of the hymen. In that sense the loss of virginity is final and can never be restored. This shows the real value of virginity.
God is a Restorer and a Healer, but we must realise that all sin has consequences. Suppose you had committed murder before you became a Christian and you repented. Do you believe that God would forgive you and cleanse you with the blood of Jesus? Of course He would. But does it bring that dead man back to life? No. Similarly, there is a physical price to pay for sexual sin ? a price that society has scorned and lied about for years, and still does when it mocks young people who choose to remain virgins until marriage. The whole of society, those trendy, sophisticated, artistic elitists, pour condemnation and ridicule upon any young person wanting to live a pure life. But I want to tell you, there?s time to draw a line in the sand and say: ?Let?s help our young people understand and preserve the precious gift of virginity.?

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The Problem of Lust

Colin Dye — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 10:20:40 +0000

The act of sex fulfils a basic, physical need of all human beings. The sexual drive is given to us by God so that we will desire it to be satisfied ? and the way to that satisfaction is through the mutual enjoyment of intimate sexual relations within marriage. Sexual intimacy within marriage fulfils our needs perfectly, but if we simply pursue the fulfilment of those desires in any way that seems best to us ? i.e. outside of marriage ? then, sooner or later, we will find we are satisfying no need at all. A legitimate desire given to us by God will have been turned into lust, and the thing about lust is that it is never satisfied! Sex outside of marriage will ultimately be a very unfulfilling and hollow experience. It is not a true expression of love, because love desires to give and not to get.

Robert Doisneau:" Le baiser de l'hotel de ville." Love or Lust?

The apostle Paul makes it clear that each of us is called to live a clean and holy life and reveals the devastating effects of lust. His reference is to the whole of life generally, but he includes sex in his remarks. He begins by saying,

?This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest ofthe Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind …? (Ephesians 4:17)
Paul refers to ?futile? or ?pointless? thinking. The pursuit of pleasure and lust outside of God?s purposes is pointless. He continues in the next verse,
?
?? having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart.? (Ephesians 4:18)

Paul then tells us what spiritual blindness and ignorance leads to, and how the Christian should deal with issues of their ?former conduct?.

?? who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.But you have not so learned Christ,if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.? (Ephesians 4:19-24)

What Paul is teaching is that the lust that drives people to seek satisfaction produces only more lust ? in fact, an insatiable desire for more. This is why it is a fallacy to believe that if you have sex with someone you are solving a problem for yourself: the need to satisfy your sexual drive. Illicit sex may give a momentary thrill and a fleeting sense of satisfaction, but ultimately you are just feeding a lust that will never be satisfied. The only way to deal with lust is to starve it to death! Give it nothing to eat.

Men and women are wired differently when it comes to sexual matters and each needs to guard their sexual integrity in different ways. Men are stimulated most by what they see, so for men it means ?bouncing? your eyes and not letting them rest where they should not be resting. For women, it is more important that your emotions are guarded than your eyes. God?s gift of sex is a means of expressing love in marriage, but it can never be a substitute for love, or a means of obtaining it. Over the years Amanda and I have counselled many ladies who have fallen into sexual sin because they thought they could use their body to buy the love of a man. It is simply not true.

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What is Acceptable and not Acceptable for a Believer? The Truth about Sexual Sin.

Colin Dye — Sun, 10 Jun 2012 08:22:04 +0000

Inevitably thought and emotions lead to actions, which is why it is so important to catch thoughts early and keep our hearts pure. I don?t wish to dwell on the negative here, but many people have written to me asking questions about what sexual sin is, how it is defined, and what is acceptable and not acceptable for a believer. Some issues are obvious; others are not so obvious.

The Fruit of Temptation looks Good. But sexual Sin has consequences.

Adultery or fornication

Obvious sexual sins include adultery ? a married person having sex with someone who is not their husband/wife; and fornication ? promiscuous sex between unmarried people or simply ?sex before marriage?. Society tends to turn more of a blind eye towards fornication than it does to adultery. The world?s mindset is, ?We love each other, we respect each other and we?re not hurting anyone, so it doesn?t really matter.? But for believers, it really does matter! If you truly love and respect one another, then remember the covenant!
Modern society has tried to erode the value of the marriage covenant. People live together in trial marriages because they want to make sure that, among other things, they are ?sexually compatible?. But in this business, you don?t get to test drive! Do you know statistics show that people who live together in trial marriages are much more likely to divorce and separate? The Bristol Community Family Trust has recently warned that three-quarters of all family breakdowns affecting young children now involve unmarried parents. Their research shows that unmarried parents are five times more likely to break up than married parents.
Also, many women are pressured into sex before marriage by men who say, ?I?m interested in you and I?m thinking maybe we?ll get married so what?s wrong with going to bed?? But the Bible says this is fornication.

Masturbation

One subject on which many people have questions is masturbation. It is a difficult area and I don?t want to bring anybody reading this book under condemnation, but there are some principles to consider which should guide us as to whether masturbation is permissible or not.
A question that crops up time and again is, ?Surely it is OK to give yourself some sexual relief occasionally?? I believe there is need for a lot of compassion and understanding here, especially for single people who have not emulated their peers, but have sought to keep themselves exclusively for their future partner in marriage. But there are three things that must be considered:
i. The context of sex is not self-enjoyment, but to bring pleasure to and bless your husband or wife. When you have sex with yourself (if you can describe it as such) it is so inwardly-focused that it becomes the very opposite of the purpose of sex.
ii. The Bible speaks about self-control and not being mastered by anything. The difficulty with masturbation is that it often can end in habitual masturbation and bring a person into bondage. As a Christian pastor and counsellor I?ve seen down through the years what a terrible bondage this can be.
iii. Finally, masturbation inevitably involves lust. I remember one pastor preaching and trying so hard to help people in this area. He was trying to be loving, but he said something so ridiculous: ?Masturbation is OK as long as you don?t think lustful thoughts and it doesn?t become a habit.? But lust and habitual bondage are the very things that masturbation tends to lead to!
Compared to the damage that such sins as adultery can cause, masturbation is, by all accounts, not the worst sin in the world. But the worst aspect of it is the guilt, condemnation and self-destruction that it produces. Guilt just complicates and worsens the problem of bondage, but thank God with the Holy Spirit?s help it is possible to break out of this.

Other physical acts

Another area where people have difficulty drawing clear lines, especially courting couples, is what is permissible (ruling out intercourse) before marriage? There are other physical acts between people which, a little like playing too near the edge of a cliff, can cause them to eventually plummet into sexual sin. Initially it may fall short of fornication, but unchecked it will certainly end by going further than either person imagined it would.
The fact is, no one can stand in a pulpit and say, ?When you go out with a boy or a girl you can do this, you can do that, but you can?t do this, you can?t do that.? Nowhere in the Bible do we have such a set of rules. Each of us is made differently, so what is important is for you, if you are a single person, to understand what are your limits before you are brought into a place of temptation and sin against your own body and somebody else.
Clearly, any sort of genital acts constitute sexual sin; and kissing and touching in a way that stimulates your boyfriend or girlfriend to the point of distraction and utter temptation is, at the very least, stupid. The rule is: if you want to avoid doing something, you don?t get as close as you can to it without actually doing it ? you?ve got to set sensible boundaries according to your own limits.

Pornography

Pornography in itself is debasing, but it is also a gross perversion of the truth because it focuses only on the physical act of sex and totally, utterly removes it from the covenant of marriage and the context of love. Added to which, pornography really is destructive and addictive.

Base sexual talk

Keeping a purity to your language is so important to your purity as a whole. The things you say, especially if they are suggestive and full of innuendo can set an unhelpful train of thought in motion in someone else?s mind. So much talk that is full of sexual innuendo takes place in the workplace that, as believers, we need to avoid participating in it and make a decision to be distinctively different.

Homosexual sin

I have written on the topic of homosexual sin in previous posts, but let me just note here that, if there is such a thing as heterosexual sin there must also be such a? thing as homosexual sin. I mention it here to keep the list complete.
What is the standard of God in all of this? Ephesians 5:3 says,
?But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints.?
I really like the NIV version of the particular verse which says,
?But among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God?s holy people.?
Not even a hint of sexual immorality is God?s standard. God doesn?t want you to play so close to the edge that you are likely to fall over, even if you haven?t fallen over yet. Why walk that close if you don?t want to fall over? Walk somewhere that?s safe instead.

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How to keep pure

Colin Dye — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 08:58:05 +0000

With all the emotional ups and downs of life and the pressure we face in modern society, how then does one keep pure and walk in emotional and sexual freedom? There are a number of common sense things you can do that will help:

Firstly, you can help yourself by not reading many of today?s popular magazines that are a flimsy excuse for pornography. The current trend for mass market ?lifestyle? magazines is to have articles on sex from beginning to end ? the ?top ten tips for a better sex life? etc. Such features are an excuse to display many explicit pictures, along with no-holds barred write ups that go into great detail.

The cover of cosmopolitan-october-2011- The current trend for mass market ?lifestyle? magazines is to have articles on sex from beginning to end ? the ?top ten tips for a better sex life?

Secondly, you can help yourself by not watching movies that also are nothing more than glorified pornography and which underwrite and ?approve? of casual sexual relationships. If you do watch such movies or TV programs then all that will happen is your sex drive will be stimulated and you will begin to focus more on more about how you might go about satisfying those urges.
Thirdly, in Ephesians 4:22-23 Paul tells us that when we become new creatures in Christ we must ?put off? our old life and the lifestyle that accompanied it and follow Christ completely. Of course that means receiving wholeness and healing in Christ, but it also means we must be vigilant about our lifestyle generally, to ensure that we don?t slip into bad habits which are alien to our new life in Christ.
Fourthly, don?t try to fill emotional voids in your life with anything other than God. The topic of this book is sexuality, so I have focused on that area, but there are many other things that people use to try to ?heal? themselves emotionally, instead of allowing Jesus to do it. It could be money, power, success, ambition. Whatever we focus on, other than God, to bring fulfilment pushes God into second place. The thing that is driving us, whatever it may be, becomes an idol in our life and eventually will take us over completely. Jesus must be at the centre of your life as Lord and Saviour. If He?s not, then you are living in disobedience to God. Partial obedience is no obedience at all.
Many have made their relationship with another person their idol. It has become of paramount importance in their life, rather than God. As soon as we find someone who eases our loneliness and emptiness, we become addicted to it. Suddenly we ?can?t live without them? and we talk about them all day long. Yes, it can be a beautiful, pure, love relationship as God intended ? but very often it isn?t. It?s trying to have your needs met in the wrong way. If the relationship doesn?t work out, then you will end up being wounded.

Don't carry heavy luggage...

If you are a person who is living with guilt from the past, maybe because you?ve had a string of relationships, or have been trapped in some kind of sexual sin, I want to tell you that you don?t have to continue carrying that guilt. Jesus loves you, He died for you, and He has forgiveness for you if you will just come to Him and release the burden into His hands.
If, after praying, you still feel the pain and are troubled, then you may need to seek some assistance through counselling, but God will make you whole if you desire it. God will heal every wound if you let Him touch every area of your life.
We carry around a lot of baggage with us because we are often not prepared to trust God with every part of our lives. If we don?t trust Him totally, then we will be inclined to snatch certain areas of our life back from Him ? just in case we don?t like how He handles them. Jesus wants to heal you, but you have to give Him permission to do so. The blood of Jesus can cleanse you from any area of impurity, and set you free from any area you are struggling with. Find a quiet place today, and release to Him all those hurts of the past and the things you have done that you are ashamed of, and His mercy and grace will touch your life and bring healing.

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6 steps to Freedom from Sexual Sin

Colin Dye — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 09:04:27 +0000

Today I want to give you six keys that will help you to break free from the bondage of sexual sin.

Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. James 1.15

1. Make a decision

How do you get set free from sexual sin? First of all, as with any form of bondage, you need to make a decision that you want to be free. If you are in sexual bondage then you have to look honestly at what you have become and the damage that your sin is causing. How much of your life are you wasting by fighting sexual ?fevers?? Do you long to be free from the sense of guilt and failure that your sexual sin produces in you?

The standard of God?s Word, and what He wants for you, is for there to be ?not even a hint? of sexual immorality in your life. So there is a decision to make and the stronger the decision you make, the easier it will be to get free. Instead of continually fighting off sinful sexual urges which sap your spiritual strength and divert you from your purpose, make a decision to be free and take the steps that follow.

2. Receive prayer and deliverance

Receive prayer and deliverance to be set free fom sexual sin in your life

Next you need to receive prayer and deliverance. I am not referring to deliverance from demonic forces necessarily, although demons often do attach themselves to habitual sexual sin and there can be a supernatural bondage there. But it is important that you receive prayer, and deliverance if necessary, and allow God to break the bondage in your life and bring healing and restoration to you.

3. Discipline yourself ? learn new habits

Habits of the flesh need to be broken and the only way to do that is to discipline yourself to learn new habits. Especially for men, begin with ?bouncing? your eyes away from any sexual image. It really can make a big difference. Normal God-given sexual desire is manageable, because we realise that there is a fire burning on the inside of every man! Whether he?s a believer or an unbeliever, there is a fire there, we are no different! The thing to do is to keep the fire low. Don?t deliberately pour fuel on the fire. If you walk into your office and you see a girl wearing a low-cut blouse, bounce your eyes immediately, because if you don?t, you?ll put fuel on your fire and by lunchtime you?ll by totally distracted! However, you can control normal sexual desires that God has given you if you don?t let them grow out of control. Don?t make life tough for yourself. And ladies: watch your thought patterns. Bring then into line and don?t let your emotions carry you away.

4. Engage in discipleship

Discipleship is a very important part in the process of getting free and staying free from sexual sin. Put another way, get yourself into mutually accountable relationships with other believers. Everyone needs others around them, regardless of their position or status, because no one is immune ? that they can relate to honestly and pray with. Cell groups or prayer partners can be very beneficial in this regard because in them we can help each other, not as policemen but as fellow soldiers, to overcome our difficulties. If we are serious about the business of sexual purity then we also need to help one another.

5. Learn to walk in dignity

Sexual freedom is not about doing your own thing sexually ? just whatever you feel like doing ? it is about bringing your sexuality to order, to be harnessed for God?s purposes. That is true sexual freedom, and when you walk in freedom it brings dignity. When your desires are under control, that makes a true man.

Be intimate with God

Being a man or woman of God is about taking the dignity that God bestows on His children and walking in that freedom. Learn to respect your dignity and that of others. Men, learn to respect women ? respect them physically, emotionally and intellectually. Women, respect men ? understand the differences, but don?t exploit them.

6. Learn to walk in intimacy

Finally, learn to walk in intimacy. One of the biggest effects of sexual sin is that it robs us of dignity and intimacy. I?ve discovered in counselling men in particular who have sexual problems that every one of them speaks of a loss of intimacy. In other words, they have been seeking intimacy in the wrong way. Rather, focus on developing your intimacy with God so that when the time is right and it is time to ?awaken love? (see Song of Solomon 2:7) you will be glad that you disciplined and prepared yourself to be a real blessing and a gift to your partner in marriage.

Read also 😕What is Sexual Sin and Why is it Wrong?

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Are people ?born? gay, or do they ?choose? to be gay?

Colin Dye — Wed, 30 May 2012 11:09:32 +0000

Perhaps the hottest issue currently under debate is that of gender orientation.?Contemporary idols like Lady Gaga have a powerful influence, not just in becoming the obsessional preoccupation of millions of teenagers (her smash hit ?Bad Romance? has had over 450 million views on YouTube ? one view for every 15 people on the planet), but also in shaping the aspirations and beliefs of a generation.

"No matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgendered life?Ooh, there ain?t no other way, baby, I was born this way." Lady Gaga?s song ?Born this way? expresses the view that such persons were ?born that way? and can?t change.;

Many people believe that?persons with same-sex attraction were ?born that way? and can?t change.?Lady Gaga?s song ?Born this way? expresses just this view:
“No matter gay, straight or bi
Lesbian, transgendered life?
Ooh, there ain?t no other way, baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way”

Many people today hold the view that homosexuality, for instance, is ?natural? for some people and that means we have no right to judge them. Well, we have no right to judge them anyway! Our job as believers is to love and accept people, but that doesn?t mean to say that we must approve of their lifestyles. Love and approval are not exactly the same thing.

The real question that people are asking is, ?Are people born gay or do they choose to become gay?? It is the ?nature versus nurture? argument. People will argue that it is impossible for a person to change their basic sexual orientation and that we have no right to expect them to do so. One book that examines this subject very deeply and studies the medical, scientific facts ? not trying to make a case, but simply presenting the results of the studies that have been done ? says this: ?It is clear that although individuals differ in the strength of their impulses because of many variables ? some genetic, most not ? do not fully account for activity, homosexual activity included.?

A pro-gay rally in New York city

In other words, science tells us that whilst there may be some forms of genetic bias, genetic tendency or predisposition (there may be ? it?s not proven), there is absolutely no proof whatsoever that a person is born gay. That kind of evidence is utterly and completely missing. Yet I could take you to the popular bookshelves of our stores and show you books that categorically say the opposite. One book makes the statement, ?People are born gay in the same way that some people are born with blue eyes and others with brown eyes.? Quite simply, they are lying. Being ?born gay? is not established as a fact and this is something that the aggressive homosexual lobby is determined to keep from the public through so-called political correctness. This kind of popular opinion is fuelled by the media who have reported on dubious studies that claim to find homosexuality to be genetic, or as Time magazine once put it, ?Born gay?. But there?s no such thing as the ?gay gene?.

Gay marriage opponent Leonard Gendron, a local pastor, holds a sign reading "Homosexuals are Possessed by Demons" outside the Massachusetts State House in Boston March 11, 2004 where the Massachusetts Legislature is debating an amendment to the state's constitution banning gay marriage. On November 11, 2003 the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled that the state must issue marriage licenses to gay couples. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

The motivation behind identifying ?gayness? as genetic is simple: if it is genetic then it can no longer be determined to be a moral issue. After all, if it?s in your genes then you can?t help it, right? But, as another writer put it, ?We should see the fallacy in the claim that homosexuality is not immoral because it is (supposedly) genetic ? [it] is certainly false as a scientific statement ?? And it is also a false conclusion to say, ?Science has proved homosexuality is right? because science has nothing to say about morality. You cannot prove by scientific means whether something is morally ?right? or ?wrong?.
Homosexuality is a complex human experience and none of it fits into a predetermined pattern. One thing that I find ridiculous is when Christians treat people who are struggling with issues of homosexuality as those who?ve simply decided to be gay ? as if one day they got out of bed in the morning and said, ?I?m going to be gay.? It doesn?t happen that way. There are always a complex set of circumstances that bring a person to that point. It does involve personal choice as well, of course, don?t mistake that; but apart from cases of rape or sexual abuse, homosexual acts are chosen, not forced upon others. And even in the cases where a person has been violated against their will that does not automatically mean the abused person becomes a homosexual. Homosexuality is far more complicated than that.
Many people speak of their homosexuality as always having been with them; they have been aware of an attraction to people of the same sex as long as they can remember. What factors might be contributing to this perception that people have? There are at least four:
1. Whilst science does not prove that people are born gay, there may be a predisposition towards gayness, in the same way that people who are very tall and athletic would be predisposed to becoming good basketball players. Whether they become what they are predisposed to however, depends on a whole range of other factors, it?s not simply due to their disposition; they need a motive and an opportunity to choose to go down that road.

Barack Obama recently backed Gay Marriage

2. There may be a biological component in the mix of factors leading a person to have a homosexual inclination and hence, a homosexual lifestyle. One theory states that hormonal influences in the womb account for some ?feminine? characteristics in men and some ?masculine? characteristics in women. Some offer this as an explanation for homosexuality.
3. Others speak of psychological factors, either in infancy (such as in the theories of Freud) or in a person?s upbringing. One theory addresses the issue of a person?s psychosexual development. It states that the parent of the opposite sex to the person is particularly important in the early years of a child?s development, helping the child to gain a healthy view of the opposite sex for later in life. In adolescence however, it is said that the same sex parent is important for the discovery of your own sexual identity as a male or a female. If these relationships are not present or are dysfunctional during these critical years of development, then homosexuality can be the result. But nothing in these theories have ever proven that people are ?made? gay by their psychological or environmental history, although these may be strong influences.
4. There can be a misunderstanding about the basis of our freewill. We should understand that God has given us the dignity of freewill and that we are morally responsible human beings. This means that no matter what influences are upon us ? whether cultural, environmental, or biological ? they do not remove our right to choose our lifestyle or the freedom to live it out.

People who have homosexual tendencies are still people with the power of choice ? to live in one way or another. No one is forced to live in a certain way, but they choose to do so. No one has the right to judge another because of their sexual orientation or to take the view that they are better or worse than the next person. What is needed among believers today is love, humility and compassion to reach out to those who are struggling and offer help. Jesus can and will save all those who trust in Him, and He can also deliver us from the hold that sin has on our lives. This doesn?t mean that every sinful desire is removed, but the power of that sin is broken and can no longer have a hold over us.

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Sexual freedom or sexual bondage?

Colin Dye — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 09:11:44 +0000

Does freedom mean I can do what I want? What about sexual sin?

To some, ?freedom from sexual bondage? might seem a strange combination of words. Most people in our post-modern society are crying freedom from rules and regulations. Surely freedom means that you can do what you want, doesn?t it? Such people would no doubt regard God?s rules for living as ?bondage?, and indeed biblical principles are often mocked by society. But I want to promote the truth that in fact, God?s rules are liberating.

By way of illustration, picture this scene: a high speed train is hurtling along its tracks towards its destination. Now imagine the same train leaping off its tracks, crying freedom and running across open fields, completely out of control. Which of these scenarios is a true picture of freedom? The train running smoothly along its tracks as it was designed to, or the train hurtling out of control, throwing passengers out, killing and destroying right across the field? If a train leaps its tracks, it?s not free ? it?s dangerous.

To use another illustration, imagine you go out to a concert one evening to hear a solo pianist perform. You are expecting to hear some relaxing classical music or perhaps some jazz, but the pianist announces that he is a ?free? musician and is going to play some of his own compositions. Being a ?free? musician means that he doesn?t believe in or follow any of the conventional rules of music ? he just plays a random, discordant and unrelated series of notes and chords. How many of us could listen to that for any length of time? Maybe you would you like to go to such a concert ? but that?s just the novelty element!

A train off-track, picture of real freedom?

The fact is, all good music is expressed within the framework of a set of rules which are interpreted in various creative ways. Even a genre such as jazz, which many consider to be very ?free? in its expression, has certain rules that govern it. A jazz pianist will drop the root note of his chords and ?colour? them by sharpening or flattening notes in the middle ? to put it roughly! But he is still moving within predefined boundaries to express subtle nuances of sound.

In both these examples there are principles at work that, when followed, produce something orderly, beautiful and lovely. That is what I commend to you about God?s ways for human sexuality. God?s ways are truly liberating and as we abide by them, we are blessed. In Romans 12:1-2 the apostle Paul instructs us to surrender our bodies to God according to His will so we will ?prove? that God?s way is best:
?I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.?

Bound by sexual sin

This passage raises some important principles. First of all, God says, ?I want you to present your bodies to me.? In the twenty-first century we are more aware of our bodies than ever before. The mass media has actively promoted a ?body awareness? that has often been taken to excess with the likes of plastic surgery and ?extreme makeovers?. But Paul insists that our bodies should be surrendered to God.
When Paul wrote these words, he was not thinking just of the physical body, but of bringing your whole being ? body, soul (emotions, personality) and spirit ? in surrender to God?s purposes. But obeying God does have a lot to do with physical obedience.
Scripture has a lot to say about the body ? it is given by God; made by God; endowed with a range of desires that need to be fed in order for it to function at an optimum level ? including normal, healthy sexual desires. But God says, ?Don?t treat your bodies like the world treats theirs. Bring what I have given you back to me and place it on my altar, because by so doing you will not be conformed to this world and you will be blessed.?
Here lies one of the great difficulties that all Christians face and the reason why so many people, Christian or not, are trapped in sexual sin: instead of surrendering their bodies to God and letting them be governed by Him, they are taking their morality from what is happening around them in society. People are watching movies and television programmes and learning values which they believe are values to live by. Yet, God offers us alternative: to not be pressed into the world?s mould of conformity, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
So what is the renewing of your mind? In essence it is to understand that God?s way is the way that brings liberty, freedom, joy, fullness and happiness. In this regard God goes further than simply saying, ?Trust me, it will work,? He says, ?If you obey me, I?ll prove to you that it works! I?ll prove to you that my way is ?good and acceptable and perfect?.?

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What is Sexual Sin and Why is it Wrong?

Colin Dye — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 14:01:48 +0000

To really understand sexual sin and why it is wrong and harmful requires us to understand our human sexuality and how it was created and designed by God to function. God?s gift of sex to mankind was one part of His covenantal blessing to us and was created by Him to be the holy of holies of human relationships within the bounds of marriage. That?s how God designed it to be used. Any use of sex outside those boundaries is a perversion of God?s design.

What is Sexual Sin and Why is it Wrong

God made marriage to be a ?covenant? between a man and a woman ? that means a binding agreement. The marriage covenant is also intended to be a ?public? covenant that is open and recognised before society. It?s not an agreement that couples can make five minutes before having sex in an ?I love you, you love me, so it?s alright? kind of way! It is not informal, but highly serious.
Marriage ceremonies have taken place in many different shapes and forms throughout history. It hasn?t always resulted in a little piece of paper which declares you legally married. But marriage has always been from the beginning, an open declaration to society that this man and this woman are covenanting together.

The sanctity of the marriage covenant

A covenantal agreement is very serious language in God?s vocabulary. He describes His own relationship with us and our relationship with Him as a covenant. Because God has revealed Himself to us in covenant relationship, it indicates that He wants human relationships, especially marriage, to mirror our relationship with Him.

What kind of covenant is marriage? In both Proverbs 2:17and Malachi 2:14 God describes marriage as a covenant of companionship. When you covenant with your husband or your wife in marriage, you are promising to be one another?s companion for life. But this is no ordinary type of companionship. It is not like the companionship between a man and his dog; it is not even like the companionship between a man and his brother, or a father and his son. It is a form of companionship between a man and a woman that goes far beyond such relationships into a place of deep intimacy where two people become effectively ?one person?. Genesis2:24 says that the two, ?become one flesh? and are joined together inseparably. Sexual intimacy is the holy of holies of the expression of that companionship.

Sexual intimacy is the holy of holies of the expression of that companionship.(Rodin-The-Kiss)

Of course, the marriage relationship is not all about sex, but it has sex at its centre, protected by everything else around it. It has parallels with the pattern that God used for the design of the Old Testament tabernacle, which is why I refer to sex as the holy of holies of marriage. The tabernacle was a tent-like cathedral, a house of worship that was prefabricated and could be carried around as the people ofIsraeltravelled through the wilderness. There was an outer court, inner courts, an altar of sacrifice with a basin to wash in, and then there were two separate sections which were hidden from view. One was called ?the holy place? and the other was called ?the most holy place? or the ?holy of holies?. The holy of holies was the most special place of all.
God has given us this relationship of sex as the holy of holies of all our human relationships. When a husband and wife unite with one another in the act of sex, it is to be within the protection, covering and context of covenant, like the protective outer courts of the tabernacle. It is a sacred act which is not to be taken outside that protective covering. If it is taken outside and abused, then it is outside God?s order and becomes a destructive force.
Why is it so destructive? Because as human beings we are made up of spirit, soul and body. When we present ourselves to the Lord as living sacrifices, as Paul instructs us to in Romans 12:1-2, we are giving the whole of ourselves to God, spirit, soul and body. Similarly, when we give ourselves to our husband/wife in the covenant of marriage, we are giving not just our body, but our soul and spirit too. In that act of union we are not accomplishing something merely in the physical realm, but in the spiritual as well.
That?s why the act of sex is so serious. The Bible confirms the fact that we are ?spirit, soul and body? people in 1 Thessalonians 5:23. When two people have sex, it is not just a physical act as the world would like us to believe. Those people are mixing their souls and merging their human spirits. It is not something to be taken lightly. God designed the act of intercourse to be a ?seal? on the covenant of marriage, just as other types of covenant are sealed with blood.

God made marriage to be a ?covenant? between a man and a woman ? that means a binding agreement.

In fact, the nature of the human body shows us that marriage too is a kind of blood covenant. God?s intention is for a man and woman to both be virgins as they come to the marriage bed. As the husband penetrates his wife for the first time there is a separation or tearing of the woman?s hymen which produces a small amount of blood. Even if the hymen is broken or not totally intact due to some activity other than sexual intercourse such as physical exercise, there is usually a small amount of blood produced by the first act of sexual intercourse. It is like a blood seal on the covenant of marriage and is an important reason why you should remain a virgin until then.

See here how you can be set free from sexual sin in six practical steps.

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